Happy Sense
by HaruhismFollower
Summary: Kaneki has the power to see positive things even in the most tragic events of his life. It doesn't really matter what situation he's in, because the optimism runs through his veins, arteries, and probably his blood vessels too. How will he fare against Jason? Who is torturing who?


**I was drunk.**

* * *

"I have long waited for this moment, Kaneki."

I remember falling unconscious, right after Yamori stabbed my eye with that syringe. Though right now, I feel as though I'm drowsing in my mother's car, half awake and listening to the radio.

It's more like hearing it rather than listening for it. Whatever conversation my torturer is having with me, it sure isn't really interesting.

Jason lifts me from the bag and drags me somewhere, until I feel comfy in a chair.

"Your days of bringing happiness to everyone's hearts have come to an end." I groggily watched how he grabbed something from a table.

Oh no... I know what this is.

"Ah, a kidnapping. Beautiful, now I won't need to taste Hinami's coffee." I said as I regained the sensibility on my fingers. Probably a bad omen.

"Be quiet, Kaneki." He calmly responded.

"It's obvious that you haven't tasted it... It's... deesgoosting." I admitted.

"Do you really see this situation positive?" He replied back in disbelief.

"I'm glad I got away from it. Last time I was pooping salt for three weeks. My butt was burning so much that I left the world sparkling." My lips formed an smile as I remembered said moments.

"Don't you understand? It's the end Kaneki." He said while testing the pliers. "You won't leave this place alive, and there's no good side in that."

As I saw how bloodied those pliers looked, I realized that I would be here for a long time. Touka, Hide, Hinami... I wouldn't see them for a long time.

"Oh, well."

The veins in his forehead looked about to pop.

"I'm going to torture you for days, how does that look?" He kneeled down and took off my shoes.

"Amazing! Now I'll have a super anecdote to tell my grandchildren, you know, when I have them. So thank you very much, Russian mobster."

He got up and walked for a minute before returning to me.

"No, you happytard. Don't you understand?!You're not going to tell anything to nobody because I'm going to kill you very hard! And how will you have children or grandchildren, when I rip off your penis?!"

"I love challenges."

I didn't even see the punch until it was too late.

* * *

What is this... ah... A flashback. This is a flashback, yes. Quite random if you ask me.

"What's with this week? We had a earthquake, typhoons, a concert of Nickelback." Hide said as I walked alongside him.

"Oh, Nickelback. I love them."

"Well, marry them. What did you want, Nishiki?" He ignored me quite efficiently, if I say so myself.

"Butterflies. What was your friend's name again?"

"Oh, I'm Kaneki. I have the power to see positive things in every situation."

Like a majestic stork, Nishiki turned around and kicked Hide towards the dead end, leaving him unconscious.

"Hide! I mean, run!" I yelled, but he was already with Morpheus.

"If he caught a glimpse it would be troublesome."

I couldn't react as he grabbed my neck and lifted me up from the ground.

"How disgusting... you smell like a female ghoul." He said, quite sickened by it.

"You know why?... Because I'm worth it."

He was rather confused by my answer, but he continued with his bad guy speech.

"Oh, I get it. Are you worried about Nagachika?"

"Hey, look at him... don't you see that he's in the heavens? He's in the damn paradise, much better than both of us." I said, as I looked at his bloodied face.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Oh, he looks like he's asleep. How gorgeous. How lucky you are, you fucker!"

For some reason, I was flying in the air when I blinked. My gut was bleeding too for some reason. Well, at least I'll be able to test my skills at cleaning coats.

I wonder if this will become a trend?

* * *

I woke up back in the torture chamber. I was feeling pretty good, but Jason looked depressed. Wait, my throat seems a bit sore.

"Hey, perhaps you have mint tea around here?" I asked him.

"NO!"

"Great! Because I didn't want any."

He looked at me as he exploded from the inside.

"You're so damn repulsive! YOU'RE UNBEARABLE!" He looks mad.

"Better that than ignorance."

As he had reached the seventh circle of hell, he released his kagune and pointed it at me, as if provoking me to attack.

"Say your last words!"He roared.

"You can kill me, but you can't kill an unicorn."

His kagune destroyed the table beside me, as if he had failed to control it properly. Seeing this, he turned around and started to unmask himself.

"Fuck unicorns!"

"Hey, respect."

"If they got extinct, it was for a reason!" He threw the Jason mask to the ground, and took some deep breaths.

"Hum... did you know that aloe vera has healing abilities? Maybe you can eat a sandwich of aloe vera, shoo the anger away, all your bile explodes, and we can go drink some coffee."

He looked at me again, filled with anger.

"Say goodbye, Kaneki!"

"Bye bye routine!"

I waited the doors to Valhalla, but I was greeted with an almost equal metaphor.

"Shit, I can't do it. You're the fucking best. I'll bring you home, aright?"

* * *

"Hey, bye J-13! Thanks for the dream!" I said goodbye to my new friend in the enemy lines.

"K-Kaneki, you're back?! How?! How did you...!" Touka greeted me as soon as I entered through the broken window.

"I have no idea."

* * *

 **Drugs are bad kids, don't do them.**


End file.
